How I Made My One-on-Ones Count (and How You Can Too)

At first, my one-on-ones felt like routine check-ins. Project updates. A few nods. Move on. But something was missing-real connection, useful feedback, momentum. So I decided to change how I approached them.

I Started with Structure

I wanted a simple, repeatable flow. Something that worked for every direct report but left space for what mattered. Here’s what I landed on:

• Start with connection. A quick check-in. A real greeting. “How’s your week?” Not a trick, just care.

• Their turn. I opened space for anything they needed to bring up. Sometimes it was blockers. Sometimes it was burnout.

• My turn. I gave feedback. Honest, constructive, when earned, praise.

• Q&A. I answered their questions. No filters. No fluff.

• Wrap-up. Clear next steps. Confirmed expectations. A handshake, real or virtual.

This rhythm helped. But the magic wasn’t in the order. It was in how we used the time.

I Stopped Wasting Time on Status

I cut project updates from our 1:1s. We already had Slack, standups, dashboards. I wanted these conversations to matter.

So instead, I asked, “What are three wins you’ve had lately?” People lit up. They shared things I hadn’t seen. Then I asked, “What are three things that challenged you?” That’s when the real conversation began.

I Asked Better Questions

I made feedback a two-way street. I asked, “What’s something a teammate did recently that helped you?” That surfaced strengths we could double down on.

Then I asked the harder one:
“What could I do to help you do your job better?”
It was uncomfortable at first, but it unlocked trust.

I Gave Feedback that Stuck

I stopped being vague. No more “Good job.” I said things like:

“When you took the initiative to rework that onboarding doc, it cut ramp time in half. That’s impact.”

I kept it timely. I praised fast, while it was fresh. And I followed a rule I never broke: praise publicly, critique privately.

I Reinforced What I Wanted to See

When someone nailed something, I didn’t keep it to myself. I told them. I said thank you. I made sure they knew their work mattered. Small moments built big morale.

I Followed Through on What I Promised

This one was a game changer.

If I said I’d escalate a request, I did it.
If I said I’d review something, I blocked time.
If I didn’t follow through, I named it, owned it, and fixed it.

Why? Because every broken promise, even a small one, chips away at trust. But when you deliver, consistently, you show your team that their voice matters. And that your word means something.

What Changed?

The team got stronger. People opened up more. We caught issues early. I didn’t just become a better manager, I became someone they trusted.

One-on-ones used to drain me. Now, they energize me.

If you’re a manager trying to do better, start here. Be present. Ask real questions. Share real feedback. And above all, write and speak to your team the way you’d want your own manager to treat you.

It works.